TOP 11 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO DRUNK

 11. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
 10. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
  9. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
  8. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
  7. You can focus better with one eye closed.
  6. You fall off the floor...
  5. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
  4. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and
     more attractive.
  3. Roseanne looks good.
  2. Don't recognize wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.

  And The Number One Sign That You Are Too Drunk...

  1. The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.